September 2022

If you don’t get lost, there’s a chance you may never be found.

-Unknown

Burned out …

I am burned out.  It is pure and simple.  Yes, Platform has been difficult to manage while holding a job.  But in all sincerity, I am emotionally wiped out from caring for my elderly mother.  I returned to the US almost a decade ago from Korea because of my sick father. I have taken care of him for two years until he passed away and now I have been caring my mother - cooking, cleaning, listening, and walking her and her dog. She has so much trauma from her childhood that she needs constant attention.  It doesn’t help that I am an introvert and she is an extrovert. I need lots of space and she needs absolutely no space.  Nothing and no one can prepare us for caring for our aging parents.  To be honest, my burning out has been in the making for years.  I am actually surprised I lasted this long … I have been able to sustain myself so far without a breakdown.  

But one can ask, how do I know that I am burned out?  The very thought of organizing another event or even communicating with anyone about an event makes me depressed or emotionless. I just can’t do anything and I do not feel guilty or feel a strong desire to change the world.  In my mind, the world can crash and burn and I think it would be for the better.  When a person feels this way, it is a clear indication that they are burned out.  Normally, I am able to recuperate over the summer but unfortunately, this summer, I have been busier than ever.  And I will have a hellish work schedule - writing, teaching, advising, and mentoring.  I am currently juggling couple of classes, full-time work, and directing a program at my workplace.  

So I have decided to take Fall off to plan for the Spring and Summer workshops for Platform.  If I push myself to organize an event this Fall, I think I will break.  Actually, I know I will break.  The very thought of organizing and marketing an event is a bit too much for me.  Right now, I need to focus on caring for my elderly mother, work, and writing a book that I was supposed to finish two years ago. Yes, two years ago.  I will take the Fall to regroup and rebuild Platform.  And hopefully, get a real vacation.

Sam Joo

CEO and Founder

9/1/2022