NOVEMBER
“Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness.”
– Anne Frank
Every time I start a project, I have many doubts, frustrations, and a whirlwind of negative emotions. It is always coupled with an existential crisis; it is never pretty. Yet I pride myself in being calm under most circumstances, even under such duress, but then I must admit that I sometimes allow my stress to reach a breaking point. I go into darkness and I feel a strong desire to walk away and I on a few occasions have left a project. The reason for the work was not worth my sanity; I find myself re-prioritizing my life. Then there are moments that remind us of the reason for our passion. It is usually singular, fleeting moments in which you see a flicker of hope. Unfortunately, if we are too busy or too stressed, we rarely get a chance to appreciate and revel in such moments.
Now, most people would probably get excited when a program comes together or enough participants register for events. In other words, we like our plans to unfold accordingly; we want to be successful in our endeavors. This is partially true. But I am actually more relieved than excited when our events come together. Instead I find joy when individuals finally get it - the reason for the training, workshops, roundtables, and lectures. I got a chance to relish in such a moment last week. One of my students who is participating in the youth-led Platform workshops opened up about her self-image, an extremely vulnerable topic for her. It was absolutely beautiful. She trusted me enough to open herself up to me first and then had the courage to read her thoughts to the group afterwards. Heavens did not open up and millions of dollars shower on Platform or people rush to sign up for our Roundtable but that singular moment made all my hard work worth every second. She, a 14-year old young woman, is and will be a commanding leader wherever she is and whatever she does. And I had some part in her coming to trust her voice, trust people with her vulnerability, and most importantly, trust herself to be strong enough to be vulnerable. How many times in our lives do we get an opportunity to make such an impact on a person? Platform has given me many similar opportunities and this is the reason why I believe I need to continue this work. I hate and love this organization.
So what can I compare such a flicker of hope. It is like that smile or the first kiss from a crush. But before you can relish such a moment, there are millions of disappointments, misunderstandings, does she/he like, dislike, notice, don’t notice, etc. Am I pretty/handsome, do I come across as smart/stupid, how do I look today, what/how should I say, etc? So many insecurities, doubts, and my goodness, drama. I have 8 nieces and nephews and of course, my own personal experience with such foolishness so I KNOW. Yet that one smile makes all that drama worthwhile. The possibility of the first kiss somehow makes up for the potential heartbreak. So like a lovesick idiot we persist in our work. Yes, we are idiots - we wouldn’t be such idiots if we got paid, at least. But we are idiots, holding on to those flickers of hope.
We cannot and should not underestimate these moments. The flicker of hope is a candle that defies the pervasive hopelessness which lingers in our work. But it also defines our passions. We know what we are about, what we believe in, and what drives us every day when we wake up in the morning. May we have more candles in our lives.
Sam
Founder. Executive Director
November. 01, 2019