NEWSLETTER

january

Red: Hope is a dangerous thing my friend, it can kill a man.

Andy Dufresne: Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. Shawshank Redemption

Shawshank redemption

A new year ... a new beginning? Is this even possible when we carry into the new year our old bodies, our past mistakes and successes, our commitments, our damaged, steady, or burgeoning relationships, etc. It is impossible to have a new beginning when we must carry so much of our old into the present. I realize this more whenever I travel alone. Even without the demands and expectations of coworkers, friends, and family, I cannot escape myself. I don’t even know how to be anyone but me. I am too present in my daily encounters to act like anyone I sometimes fantasize of becoming, a carefree, thoughtless, irresponsible person - to be free of being me. I was hoping in my most recent road trip to just let go. I was hoping one of my nieces would step up and plan everything but before I knew it, I had taken control over the planning. I am unfortunately deliberative and decisive - the endless discussions over the possibilities were well, annoying, and I did not want to “accidentally” hurt my nieces and nephew because of my annoyance. And I really wanted to see the Antelope Canyons and I, the only real adult, was responsible for the lives of my sister’s three children. She had one more in Korea but still, she would notice if something should happen to any of them. My mother told me that all of them mattered :). I just thought and sometimes have hoped that my sister would lose count. So why do we as humans look forward to the new year as if somehow magically we can change our ourselves or our prospects? I can visualize many of my friends roll their eyes and say, who is “we”? They don’t celebrate any of the socially constructed holidays - they are too sophisticated for such frivolities. I, the less intellectually sophisticated, too emotionally ‘romantic’ (?), do take inventory of my life and all the projects coming up in the new year. I don’t make grand plans to become a new me or less, lighter version of me. Trust me, I’ve tried in my past lives and failed all too miserably. But I do deliberate and prioritize my plans around this time of the year. However I must admit that much is unknown and not within my control. I do not know how relationships will unfold given that so much is dependent on other people - I am helpless in determining or informing their response; I do not know what opportunities would open up - I cannot demand my way; and sometimes, I do not know the limits of my emotional, intellectual, and physical abilities - I want but my body cannot. I just don’t know.

Nevertheless, I do know that we will be making concrete plans for Platform this upcoming year. What will it look like? Well, at this point of our development, many of the events will depend on my availability. We do not have the capacity to develop the organization without my presence. Hopefully one day, we will be able grow without my constant involvement. But for now, my availability will determine the plans we have for Platform. And at this moment, this is heavily dependent on my acquiring a part-time position that will afford me the flexibility to develop Platform. If all goes according to plan (fingers crossed), I would like to continue developing the high-school and adult version of the spring event and summer retreat and hopefully, begin conversations to grow Platform nationally.

Of course, we will continue to figure out more viable methods to raise funds for the organization so that it ultimately becomes self-sufficient with a full staff. How and when? If I only knew or at least, my horoscope could tell. So much unknown and yet so much prospect all bundled in one word for this upcoming year - HOPE. But remember, hope is not a delusional wish but persistently working towards one’s visions, slowly digging away the wall so that we can crawl through human shit on the other side and only then towards our dream, freedom from the prison that forces us to accept our hopelessness. Yet freedom is not even guaranteed after we escape prison if we cannot free the mental fetters that imprison us. Hope is therefore an active word of constantly unshackling ourselves of “cannots” to “dos”. It is an endless process like my nieces’ discussions. I recommend that everyone watches Shawshank Redemption to fully appreciate the multi- dimensional meanings of hope - there is a paper begging to be written.

Sam
Founder. Executive Director

January. 01, 2020